I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
