new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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