mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
