I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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