did you get engaged???
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
