yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
