YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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