Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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