She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
