Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
