did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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