I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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