went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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