I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
