so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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