I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
