I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
