One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so let's talk penis.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
