I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
