This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
