Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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