guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
