he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
