Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
