Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
