Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
