he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
