looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
