I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
