Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
