Just mADE A PArabola og urine
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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