dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
