People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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