I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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