you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
