i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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