I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
