is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
