I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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