Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
