I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
