letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize