Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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