Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
