apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
its not stalking. its research.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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