Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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