He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
