The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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