nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
