I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
