Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
