Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
