My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
