8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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