what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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