I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
