dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
