Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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