I faked an abortion last night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh god it's open bar.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
