I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize