are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
