I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
