just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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