At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
