Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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