You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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