Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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