I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
