FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
