I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
