Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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