just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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