I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
