dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
