I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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