Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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