I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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