my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Can Purell be used as lube?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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